What does it mean to LIVE vs Exist?

That’s a nice question. Well, it’s actually one of the hardest questions to answer in my opinion. What is even more difficult is to ASK yourself that question, sit with it and give an honest answer. So many of us live in avoidance of ever asking the hard questions. Maybe it’s because we don’t want to know the answer. Maybe it’s because we don’t have the answer. Maybe it’s because we don’t want to or feel we have the time to figure out what the answer is. OR maybe it’s because we actually do know the answer and to speak it out loud or to write it down means that it is real and what we are really trying to avoid is having to act on it. Because once you know something you cannot un-know it. There is a saying, I can’t remember who said it, when you know better; do better! That is so damn hard! Avoiding it is EASY….much easier, at least on the surface. We live in a fast paced world full of constant stimulation: places to go, people to see, work to do, social media to scroll. Avoidance is easy enough to do but it is hard as hell to live with for the long-term

I can say this from experience. Experience in my past and present life. I’ve been known to avoid many things. Most of the time I chalked it up to “it just isn’t worth my time or the fight that will ensue” or “it’s not that important to me” and that has definitely been true more times than not, especially recently but there have been those times when kicking the proverbial can down the road sure it convenient so why not do that.

When I do myself the courtesy of actually checking-in and taking a look at what it is I need to confront and what decision do I have to make it feels at times strangely exciting and a bit overwhelming. I am an amazing over analyzer. Well, now that I say that yet again, I can’t help but ask myself why that is always perceived as a bad thing? Hmmm, we can analyze that one at a later date. ~wink~ When I get into a particularly vicious cycle of back and forth I remember what I heard Derek Sivers say on a podcast interview: If it’s not a hell yeah, it’s a NO. I think he originally used the F word but cleaned it up for the interview. I hope he actually used the F word. It’s holds so much more power. If it’s not a FUCK yeah, it’s a NO. Yep that pretty much says it.

Along with being an award winning over analyzer I am also a recovering people pleaser. It sounds like a joke but I really would consider myself a recovering people pleaser. I’m going on….I’d say 2 years of not going out of my way just to please someone when it felt inauthentic to me. It wasn’t easy but it sure does make life a little less complicated but oddly more “lonely”, which can be real nice in some regards.

I am finding myself at a crossroads right now in life. My 2 year separation ended in a one more year long divorce, my youngest daughter it graduating and going to college in the Fall, I am moving out of the ownership role of the hot yoga studio I have owned for 18 years and I am contemplating changing locations to a new area so I can get away from the hurt, trauma and destruction that has occurred the past 4 years. I have always told myself that my divorce, if nothing else, gave me a clean slate with which to build a the life I LOVE and if I don’t do that from here on out than it is no one’s fault but my own. There is a lot to do and see out there and I know or at least I feel like I know what my purpose is in this life so let’s get to it.

Huh! Even as I write this I realize that I been working as if I am on some deadline. All those things are happening and so I must change as well because I have always said I wanted….A, B, and C…. when in reality I don’t have to charge straight out the gate like a bull in a rodeo. Maybe now that all those things are happening I can instead take a much needed rest before I get to work. Goodness, wouldn’t that be something to explore? My highest purpose is to be the best version of me so that I CAN live my purpose and some down time and rest would be nice.

So…. what to do, what to do? I have some ideas. I’ll write them down, take some time but ultimately it will come down to “if it’s not a fuck yeah, it’s a NO” to help me decide. One of my yoga teachers shared with a group of us one time the saying you never know if you made the right decision but you will make the decision right. I believe this. I try my best to live this and in the end after all the analyzing, all the talking and writing all we can do is our best and our best will come through.

I just realized that I never really got into the actual title of this piece. What does it mean to LIVE vs Exist? Well, that is for each of us to decide on our own isn’t it?

What is your fuck yeah? Don’t be afraid to ask and most importantly don’t let fear stop you from acknowledging and allowing yourself to answer.

-Love and Light